Strawberry Escapades

I hiked Pilot Mountain by myself 3 or 4 years ago. And it was in broad daylight, but I couldn't calm my nerves or stop looking over my shoulder. It bothers me that I'm not comfortable hiking alone. Since I hadn't tried going solo in so long, I figured I'd try it again last Saturday on the Neusiok Trail. I got up early and packed my bag, planning to do a ~6 mile out-and-back from the parking lot on 306. I drove to the trailhead, locked up my car, and started on my way. I took the pepper spray out of my pocket and tried to practice spraying it, but it was empty (I thought a can of pepper spray in my pocket would comfort me - what does this mean? Something is not right here). I started singing a Patty Loveless song to calm my nerves and to make my presence known to any pesky wildlife (?...yeah, blame it on the wildlife. There were probably many reasons for the singing). I came to a large mucky puddle the width of the trail. I skirted around the edge of it and practically stepped on a snake! The snake was startled and fell off the side of the trail into a pile at my feet, so I screamed and jumped over it. When I looked back, it was coiled up and was shaking it's little tail at me. I tried to relax and calm myself down, but I couldn't stop myself from physically shaking, so I knew it was time to head back to the car. I had been on trail for roughly 5 minutes.

It's not really the wildlife that I'm afraid of; it's being alone and not having anyone to help make decisions that makes me nervous on the trail. The smallest things seem so much more amplified when you're alone, I have found. On this day, I tried very hard not to let myself feel defeated. It's much smarter to hike with a partner, and probably a lot more fun! Sometimes I think if I have to wait around for someone to do something with, I'll never do anything! This is not the type of thinking I want to buy into, but I fall into that trap sometimes. I turned the morning around by driving myself to a nearby garden center (which I wouldn't have otherwise driven to if I hadn't been out that way already) and got some special things that I needed. I also met up with my mom to pick strawberries at a Garner Farms. The morning was not a total wash! But, even without the garden center and strawberry escapades, I still wouldn't have called the morning a waste. It's important for me to test my boundaries sometimes and push myself just a little bit, to really learn where I stand. And I'm OK with where I stand.